I am writing this post not to gather sympathy so please feel free not to comment I'm AOK. I'm writing for my own record and as a gentle reminder that there is no such thing as it's all over. Been there done that got the pink ribbon.
Ofiicially I am in remission. I'm in the reconstruction phase and apart from the hiccups with my last surgery I am at the point now where I am being infilled and working towards the final surgery of implants. It's all good.
It's actually rather ouchie and I'm yet to kick the pain killers but in the scheme of all the things I have been through this is bearable.I see the light at the end. This is last hurdle to endure.
Sunday afternoon I went for a lie down. I have been feeling under the weather with a bit of a flu head cold thingy that my lovely daughters share with me. It's turned to asthma and I'm feeling generally blah.
As I lay down I felt a weird twinge in my right breast and thought ouch. And then it happened again. And then time stood still.
It was the exact same sensation I had each time I had a tumour. I have spoken numerous times about how my tumours hurt and pulse. It was so far out of left field that I didn't recognise it at first.
I kept it to myself all afternoon. Then finally before I didn't fall asleeep I told Richard. Who also then didn't fall asleep. I know I'm kind like that.
Monday is a surgery day for my surgeon so while I was able to get an appointment for Tuesday at 2.30 I had a whole day to wait.
Each time it pulsed I stopped breathing.
I knew if it was what it felt like it would be a new primary. That means a new cancer not related ot the the other ones. Because it's in the other side - where I have no breast tissue where it shouldn't be.
I've tried to stay calm. I didn't want anyone to know - especially not the girls. I'm sure friends and family are sick of the what now phone calls. But I do have one friend who msged with me back and forth and we made a whole slew of things that it could be. God bless her.
Finally I had my appointment.
I wish I could say that a weight has been lifted and its all fine but its undetermined at the moment.
My Dr is amazing he always listens and check exactly where I say. He tells me I'm not crazy and that I'm right to check.
We found a pocket of fluid which could be pressing against the expander which has folded in on itself. Its very close to my heart which could be causing the pulsing sensation almost like water ripples. The next few weeks will tell with the fluid being absorbed. The good news was there was no obvious great big black spot appearing on the screen as it has in the past.
So for now we wait. I have put infills on hold and he is happy with that. If it doesn't settle itself then I'll head off for a better scan and MRI. I'm comfortable with that.
So now I go back to planning our holiday and trying not to worry. If only I could shake this cold thingy too - I missed my run this morning!