Today when I woke up late after another night of little sleep and realised that yet again my plans for the day had been thrown out by my ridiculous body clock or lack of and my inability to just get it together, these words flashed up on my instagram feed.
and so I am.
I am exactly where I need to be right now. I have to let go an place my trust in the Lord that he is watching and healing me.
5 and half weeks post op and I am still changing dressings twice a day and chugging antibiotics. 12 weeks post my last chemo and sleep is still elusive. There is something inherently not right with being tired yet not being able to sleep. It's like the opposite of babies who fight to stay awake when they should be asleep.
Though my brain is back working quite well on most days - except when I forget the one thing I specifically go to the grocery store for - grrrr. A baking marathon for me now consists of two things not twenty. Putting dinner together is still a chore as is the simplist of things to do with housework. But there is plenty of reading and sudoku happening. I try to venture out at least once a day and I am driving again thank goodness.
I hit the toy sale at Target I needed a HUGE coffee after that as I had a serious list of if not this la la loopsy then this one but can you check for this first please Mumma. They think I am shopping for their birthday. I wasn't able to get half of what I had on my list but I did pop some rainchecks on too.
This afternoon I headed back to the surgeon. He has given me the all clear to start radiation despite the other side still being dodgy so I go tomorrow for staging. YAY
I ran into a "friend?" colleague? acquaintance? who was quick to give me her words of wisdom - that I didn't look as bad as she expected ? Huh Umm thanks. I think. She launched into a rave how I must be grateful for my experience as it has allowed me to internally reflect on what my life should be. Sigh. I'm not sure I see it the same way. Anyhow I'm sure she meant well.
Tomorrow afternoon marks the start of school holidays for three weeks. We will head to the Sunshine Coast for a few days as Richard has only limited time off. We had planned to go to Australia Zoo but the tickets are kind of crazy prices. I have been searching for a discount code so if anyone sees one please let me know :)
A mixed day of good and not so good - normal really :) But I am reminded I am exactly where I am meant to be and for that I am grateful.