I resigned myself to a whole heap of stuff this weekend - It was my get my head sorted weekend as Richard headed off to NZ for work for the week - It was totally unavoidable - and the timing could not be worse but that's the way things roll sometimes. At least after this trip he will be home for some months.
via pinterest.com
So I had to get on with making plans as this week will be taken up with just getting by.
To be honest most of it I didn't like but in the scheme of everything - really I have to learn to work through a new life for some time that has been interrupted by cancer. I say interrupted because that's how I see it.
So lets see whats so important on my list that has to be put on hold for the next few weeks- There is more but I'm just dealing with now until the end of october.
- I can't renovate my $10 bargain from the op shop- so I have just cleaned it up a bit and have popped it in my craft room ready to fill with stuff. Sad about this.
- I won't be able to go to Melbourne on the 18th - which I was supposed to be doing with work for an awards ceremony - it was a big deal - but now not so much.
- I had planned for my 40th birthday to go to a very fancy restaurant but now things are so up in the air that we can't make any real plans and it looks like I'll be scheduled for my 2nd round of chemo that day anyhow - sad but I need the chemo more than the restaurant meal.
- I had a craft project that was to be completed by now - a deadline as such and have now come to the realization that my biggest priority has to just be getting though this week and making sure my girls are ok.
- I had three classes of school profiles to be updated and they have sat in my room for two weeks- I kept meaning to get to them and I haven't - I haven't found the headspace to work on them. I'm going to have to call in a favour or two from some work friends to get them sorted. I hate this with a passion.
- I was supposed to be on two weeks long service leave these next two weeks and one thing I had planned to do in that time was to actually go to work with some students to a conference. Ill be one day post chemo. I won't be attending. This annoys me no end.
But I guess what frustrates me the most is this is just the tip of plans and ideas and things I had on my to do list.
Now I have two things to do
I'm working on being with my family and fighting this thing
and if any of the plans and ideas and everyday stuff doesn't help towards those two things on my to do list then I have had to cross them off. I am struggling with this.
But right now physically and mentally I just can't and I know that the fight is yet to begin.
Tomorrow morning a team of amazing friends switch into gear to make everything work for us.
I have a freeezer stacked with meals thanks to not only our church but our neighbours church as well, a tidy home, the girls have a roster of pick ups and drop off people and I do too.
Monday is my port operation. Tues and Wed is rest and recover - I have some friends popping round to make sure we eat and that the girls will be looked after if I am not up to it.
Thursday is my first round of chemo and I have a friend with me and another coming to look after the girls in the afternoon and to stay the night with me - another coming for Friday and Friday night Richard will be home.
I am all good in that respect- we are well cared for and for that I am so very grateful.
My girls came to me tonight before they went to bed and asked me to be brave. I hate that word because I'm not very brave. But I promised them that I would be- That's what you do isn't it ? When God gives you little people and makes you a Mumma - you kick in and make promises. They told me that even if it hurt a whole lot I had to remember my promise and everything would be ok.
In 6 hours I'll be being prepped for surgery -I ask that you pray I can be brave because I promised my girls I would be and I'm very scared that I can't be.
